


The Better Part Of Valour

by DarcSyster



Series: 5isters [4]
Category: AdventureQuest Worlds
Genre: Critique Fic, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 13:46:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14833409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarcSyster/pseuds/DarcSyster
Summary: It's become clear to me that I'm not so much writing fan-fic here as critique-fic. With fan-fic, one tries to cover up the plot holes. With critique-fic, one tries to expose them wide in a friendly and fun way. As someone playing the game, and as a programmer and a writer, there are certain things I find annoying. Some are quick and easy fixes that the staff simply haven't dealt with and may not even recognise as existing. Others are inconsistencies with the game structure caused by changes having being made or because old-style RPGers, when given 2 choices, always choose the fourth. When I am online playing, I do try to play my two characters consistent with how I imagine them. 5torm is a little more impulsive. 5hadoe is a little more thoughtful. I'm also having a blast writing these bits of fiction. The interplay between the two is a lot of fun.Do I know that Princess Brittany has alchemical training? Not yet. I haven't seen her at the academy ever. Do I know she has an alchemist on staff? She's a princess. Of course she does. I don't even need to know who it is to know she has one. Her personal hair-dresser is enough of an alchemist in her own right. So yes, these are assumptions but they are "safe" assumptions.





	The Better Part Of Valour

"How did things go at the Collesium?" 5hadoe asked.

"It's on hold until I can round up the three princesses," 5torm sighed. "I could use some help with Princess Tara. Her ring of dragon control has gotten more powerful, and as before, the dragon within it is controlling her. The last time I _saved_ her, she was riding a dragon and we crashed into Swordhaven, just in time for Sepulchure to lead his attack."

"You were really trying to save Princess Tara?" 5hadoe asked.

"Of course," 5torm replied. "How else was I going to hold her for ransom?"

"Right," 5hadoe responded knowingly. "I wonder if King Alteon thought I was you when I showed up at the castle that day. He had said something about me rescuing one of his daughters but I figured he was just being senile or something. But sure, I can help you with that."

"You haven't thought of going to the Collesium yourself?" 5torm asked.

"The last time I was there was because this guy I know, Johnny G, he's the leader of the Giant Dwarves, wanted me to fight on his side against the Miniature Giants."

"Giant Dwarves? Miniature Giants?" 5torm asked.

"The Giant Dwarves are half giants and half dwarves who were raised as dwarves and run a fence for stolen goods and a money laundering ring," 5hadoe replied. "The Miniature Giants are half dwarves and half giants who were raised as giants and have their own organized crime ring. It's a classic territorial dispute. Whoever lost would need to disband and the winner would take over."

"And you won?" 5torm asked.

"Johnny G was introducing me to his team but kept calling me ' _he_ '," 5hadoe said.

5torm looked 5hadoe up and down. "Is he blind?" she asked. "You don't look anything like a _he_."

"I figured it was just some dwarf thing at first," 5hadoe said, "so I politely corrected him. But after the fourth time, I just belted him one and left. If he's serious about having me help him out, he can at least treat me respectfully by using the correct pronoun. I sometimes get the same kind of annoyances when I'm at the lake fishing."

"Fishing?" 5torm asked in surprise. "You fish?"

"I find it a great way to relax after a hard day adventuring," 5hadoe replied. "If you do well, the tackle shop gives you a silly title. The titles have been around a long time, longer than the current owner. My current title is _Hook Lord_."

"You don't look anything like a _lord_ ," 5torm stated. "Does this mean you're a hooker?"

5hadoe gave 5torm an amused smile. "Nice pun but no," she responded. "I mean, it's all right to be sorcerer and female, because _sorcerer_ is what you do, not an indication of who you are the way _lord_ and _lady_ are. Even Faith Outfishya, who now runs the tackle shop says it's a bit out-dated. Just because there are ten times more men who fish than women is no excuse for not accommodating us or just plain updating the few offending titles to be more gender neutral. Just imagine the hissy-fits men would all get into if they were referred to as _she_ or _Lady_ all the time!"

5torm laughed. "You would be such a better ruler than King Alteon," she said.

"I don't want the responsibility," 5hadoe replied. "Besides, we're going to need to be careful about working together in the future. I'm not sure how much Drakath has figured out. He's devious. I was in Bloodtusk Ravine. The trolls live on one side and the horcs on the other. Each side is afraid war is about to break out between them. They each had me do things to prove to them they could trust me. Then they had me go to their matron guardian who helped me summon an eclipse so that I could get some answers from Xing and Xang."

"Those two?" 5torm responded. "Their advice, and I'm being generous calling it that, is worthless. The only reason people make up their minds so quickly around them is because any sane person will do anything to escape being hounding into insanity by those two. I had a different solution to them. I tried scorching the one, and freezing the other." 5hadoe giggled. "So what did they tell you?"

"Drakath reached into some kind of alternate universe and swapped our so-called good Xang for their so-called evil Xang," 5hadoe explained. "Apparently our Xing and the alternate-world Xang together now count as one _Lord_ of Chaos."

"What an insult!" 5torm responded. "To them! Either one of them would surely make a fine _Lady_ of Chaos all on her own. But this means they are now both evil! That isn't chaos. Clearly as a representative of chaos, Drakath is quite lacking."

"As if Escherion is really chaotic," 5hadoe responded. "He just turned everything upside down and inside out. That's not really chaotic at all."

"Very true," 5torm responded. "This so-called chaos is too highly _organized_ to even deserve the name. He'd be better known as Drakath, Champion of Discord rather than the Champion of Chaos. But this also means that the pair of them can't be a true equivalent of a Lord of Chaos either. All our lords of chaos are native to this reality. So really it's only Xing who is the Lady of Chaos as Xang would be the Lady of Chaos of her native universe."

"That's too logical for anything so discordant," 5hadoe stated.

"True," 5torm conceded. "Can you imagine the pair of us in such an alternate reality?"

"You'd be really good!" 5hadoe responded.

"I can't imagine it," 5torm replied. "And you'd be - you'd be not good but not evil. But here you're pragmatic. There you'd be impulsive!"

"I can't imagine it," 5hadoe said. "Unless the rules are different, that would get me in jail or something."

"More likely the asylum," 5torm laughed. "Since the war hasn't started, how did you stop it?"

"Xing and Xang said that Drakath had already chosen his next _servant_ of chaos," 5hadoe replied. "You might think that meant the next Lord of Chaos but it made me start to wonder. They also said he intended to start a civil war between the Horcs and the Trolls. The Horcs and Trolls both wanted me to kill a bunch of chaorrupted animals. They each had things they wanted to use the carcasses for. Each side had an elder telling me who wanted what. Each side wanted to try making them into food. The horc weapons-maker wanted to use them to make weapons. The old troll didn't know and couldn't ask but I suspect the troll weapons maker wanted to make weapons too. One horc musician and medicine woman and one troll artist wanted bits too. And before that, the troll prohetess said I would bring an end to peace. As I started fighting the beasts, I began thinking about it all.

"Drakath told King Alteon and I that he would save the two of us for last. At the time, I thought he simply meant he would kill us last but now I realize he doesn't do much killing. He put those eye-tentacle-things onto Alteon. Those are the same creatures which chaorrupt the various animals. In the crypt protecting Sepulchure's armour, the knights were chaorrupted by those things. As I thought about it, it became clear Drakath means to chaorrupt both Alteon and I, stop us from being the people we are and turn us into his chaorrupted servants. But I don't have those things on me. So then I began to think about how he would chaorrupt me without those things. A good way would be by arranging for me to be the catalyst for his idea of chaos, such as by having me start a war which would give rise to one of his Chaos Lords. So while I was killing chaorrupted creatures and thinking about this, I was also imagining the horcs and trolls armed with chaorrupted weapons, eating chaorrupted meatloaf or pate de chaorruption, surrounded by chaorrupted banners and murals and statuary while chaorrupted music played in the background. And I thought, if Drakath's plan relies on a catalyst that chaorrupts the horcs and trolls thus causing a war that brings forth a Lord of Chaos then the easiest way to defeat Drakath and his Lord of Chaos would be to simply remove the catalyst."

5torm looked at 5hadoe in shock. "You mean you walked away?" she asked in disbelief. 

5hadoe nodded. "You know. The better part of valour?" she said. "It's not like with Escherion. He's already here. We're going to need to deal with him, and since I don't think either of us can do it alone, we're going to need to work together. But if I'm wrong about Bloodtusk Ravine, we'll just need to go back and deal with the new Lord of Chaos then."

"How pragmatic," 5torm sighed. "This is why you're the hero for good. Not good the way King Alteon thinks he's good, or good the way everyone thinks Artix is good because he slays undead, but good in a practical pragmatic way, a way that can actually make a difference."

"I admit that often what's pragmatic is also good," 5hadoe said, "but not always. Hey! There's this place where some kind of Dwakel sky ship from one of those alternate realities crashed. One Dwakel is called the Mitheral Man because he's got a suit of mitheral armour. He's too tough for one person, but I figure the two of us could take him down. If we can get past him and get to the ship, we might get some cool stuff."

'That sounds like an adventure worth having," 5torm responded, " _after_ we deal with the princesses."

  


"I shall need to arrange for Princess Tara to have some unfortunate and fatal accident," 5torm stated from the Collesium stands. She and 5hadoe sat alone, out of ear shot of any others. "Otherwise, she will grow up to become a fearsome and dangerous dracomancer. Have you ever noticed how much the ranger Robina the Hood resembles Princess Victoria?"

"Oh yes!" 5hadoe responded innocently.

"Princess Brittany. Have you ever met a more selfish, self-centred, arrogant, egotistical, self-entitled - individual?" 5torm fumed. She found 5hadoe smiling innocently. "I am not _that_ self-entitled. No wonder Sepulchure decided to attack when he did. Once King Alteon is no longer holding her back, Queen Brittany will be so evil, Sepulchure will simply look like a naughty toddler in comparison. She'd simply bat her pretty blue eyes at him and smile as she ripped out his undead heart and crushed it the way Drakath did. Unless someone gets to her first, I shall definitely need to arrange for her to have some quite unfortunate and fatal accident too. That should be easier now. For some reason, and I hardly think the truce counts, she and King Alteon trust me. Don't they know I am _EVIL_? Those so-called chaorruption sprites on King Alteon are definitely adversely affecting his judgement. He admitted to considering me for one of his generals. Me?! As if he thinks the truce with Empress Gravelynn means anything to anyone who is so very truly evil. I fully expect Dage the Evil to attempt a coup against Empress Gravelynn eventually. I'm sure they both expect it too. As we know, this is how evil works! You get to the top by eliminating who ever is there. I doubt there will be time, but if I could, I would love to see Alteon's face when I stab him in the back and take from him all that he holds dear. But now Princess Brittany has me fighting in Lord Brentan's place while he recovers from his oh so convenient wound in the back. I noticed you didn't say anything. You think there's something peculiar about this, don't you?"

"This whole thing is peculiar," 5hadoe responded. "This tournament is taking place at the Collesium here in Battleon which is in the Greenguard Forest. Swordhaven is a serious hike! Instead of being good princesses and showing up on time where they knew they were suppose to be, they all chose to drag their heels getting here. That's why we, starting at the Collesium here in Battleon which is in the Greenguard Forest had to trek all the way to Swordhaven to round them up. All the competitors were already here at the Collesium which is in Battleon which is in the Greenguard Forest. Yet we're to believe that while we were dealing with spy-bots and assassins and such in Swordhaven, one of them stabbed Brentan in the back, knocking him out in the process, and then dragged him - or teleported him except I haven't found a teleport disk for that yet - from this Collesium which is in Battleon which is in the Greenguard Forest all the way back to Swordhaven without being seen and dumped him into the trash heap outside of the castle at Swordhaven? And then we're suppose to believe Princess Brittany, who has lived in the castle all her life and would thus presumably know where the stinking fly-infested trash heap is located, would just happen to be taking a leisurely stroll past it? I've seen plenty of crazy stuff from Cysero but even he isn't so crazy as to come up with a plot this unbelievable! Besides, even if he is crazy, he's not this inept or this stupid. I haven't yet figured out which this is."

"The way you describe it, it sounds like a plot by the aforementioned future evil Queen Brittany," 5torm said.

"Assuming you're right, if she had been smarter, she would have looked at a map," 5hadoe said. "The Collesium is in Battleon. We know from stories Battleon use to be just outside of Swordhaven but was moved into the Greenguard Forest to save it from a meteorite strike. But that was before either you or I entered the scene. Sure, the Collesium is the traditional place for tournaments but it's no longer practical if you're in Swordhaven. Instead of setting up the competition in the Collesium, she would have found a nice field just outside of Swordhaven, had it set up as a traditional tournament field with all those fancy tents with the pretty little flags on them, and had the tournament there. Brentan, instead of being thrown into the trash heap which no princess would ever _demean_ herself to be strolling past, would instead be thrown into some bit of forest just beyond the tournament field where some princess claiming to have a poor sense of direction might find him. If she is as evil as you think she is, and I'm not saying she is or isn't, she might think Brentan would make a good puppet. Then she could mastermind her evil plots and hide behind his handsome and presumably honest face!"

"You really are too diabolical!" 5torm commented.

"That's the problem with evil - and good," 5hadoe responded. "You're too hung up on the evil and the good to think clearly about the practical aspects of what you're doing. That's why evil always turns on itself and good always falls in on itself. But there's another possibility, one using the Collesium _because_ it's traditional. Princess Victoria. She _is_ the ranger Robina the Hood. She's also currently second in line to the throne _and_ she is down there right now in the competition!"

"Oh!" 5torm commented. "She is quite the combatant!"

"If she wins, she'll be able to argue she'd make a better heir to the throne than Brittany," 5hadoe said. "I know Robina had little interest in the crown itself, but if she believes her sister Brittany is evil -"

"Why wouldn't she?" 5torm interrupted. "Robina may be many things, but she is not stupid. If she is even a little good, she would want to prevent her evil sister from taking the throne."

5hadoe thought for a moment. "If we assume it is Robina behind this whole plot, she would have seen Brentan as a threat. I met him at Oaklore Keep but he apparently grew up around the castle. She'd know what his skill in combat would be like. Given how Brittany was fawning all over him when we found them, it's clear Brittany thinks of Brentan as her presumptive champion. But Robina is at least nominally good, which is why she stabbed him only to knock him out rather than to kill him. There are teleport disks in Battleon. Robina the Hood carrying something covered by an animal hide over her shoulder and taking a teleport disk to Swordhaven would have gone mostly unnoticed. While I only met Brentan briefly at Oaklore keep, I suspect Robina dumping him in the garbage is more of a message to her sister than a comment on him. But if Brittany saw her sister, even though her sister was dressed as Robina, carrying something to the castle garbage dump, she, Brittany, might then get suspicious and investigate. Meanwhile, Robina would then have gone to the inn, washed and changed back into her princess clothes to wait for us, knowing her father would have sent someone to find her. Before the tournament began today, she would have told Princess Brittany that the tournament was starting later so her sister wouldn't notice that Princess Victoria was missing. She would also have arranged for her sister Tara to have the ring of Dragon Control once again just to slow down who ever the king sent to gather the princesses in order to give her Robina more time. This is the only plot that makes sense because none of the other contestants would bother dragging Brentan all the way from the Collesium in the Greenguard to Swordhaven. They'd have dumped him in Battleon's garbage dump instead. Did I miss anything?"

"Only the _Elementary my dear 5torm_ ," 5torm replied. "So what now? Do I fight Princess Victoria?"

"Regardless which theory is right and even if they're both wrong, it doesn't matter any more," 5hadoe said. "Princess Brittany is at least nominally evil _,_ and, if she's not a mage and alchemist herself, has an alchemist on her personal staff. She's not going to let go of the throne, especially now that her sister Victoria is fighting for it. Brentan is clearly her chosen champion. He wins, brief courtship, she marries him, the crown is hers. Depending on how evil she really is, she can as you put it, then arrange for him to have an unfortunate and fatal accident. Same for her sisters. What ever medications she's applying to him right now, it likely includes some kind of invulnerability, accelerated healing, extra strength, whatever she can think of to make sure he wins. Of course, if we believe what Eyestein taught us in the orphanage, they'll also greatly shorten his life but since she's at least nominally evil, she probably doesn't care about that. Even if Brentan doesn't know what Brittany is up to, it's not going to be a fair fight. Besides, this is a great opportunity for Brittany to get rid of another clear and obvious threat to her future rule: you!"

"How do you think of all of this?" 5torm asked.

"I'm a rogue!" 5hadoe replied. "I may not have your book smarts, but rogues survive mostly by our wits! Speed, stealth, and dexterity are what we use when our wits are not enough. I don't lack courage, but I obviously have better chances of surviving if I don't get into a fight I don't need to. If I can figure out who is doing what, I can stay out of their way so that I don't give them an additional reason to hunt me down and kill me."

"How very unheroic," 5torm commented.

"It's the better part of valour," 5hadoe stated. "Sure, I'll fight the good fight, be the hero, when the reward is right and I'm confident I can win. But otherwise, why bother?"

"And this is why you are _not_ good," 5torm said. "I don't have the resources to take Princess Brittany down yet. Let's go to that sky ship you mentioned. Maybe we can find something."

  


"Kill it!" Valencia cried desperately. 5hadoe and 5torm exchanged glances. 

"I know this tavern in the pine forest that makes the most awesome smoothies," 5hadoe commented.

"I know the place," 5torm confirmed. They both turned to leave.

"What about that thing?" Valencia cried desperately. 5torm and 5hadoe exchanged glances again.

"In the orphanage, we were told stories about placing the enchanted objected into the heart of the icon too," 5hadoe stated.

"And what happens when you do," 5torm added. "You're the one who stuck the _enchanted bar of greased lightning_ into it and turned it on. It's _your_ problem!" She turned back to 5hadoe. "You're not going to do anything _good,_ are you?"

"We already agreed," 5hadoe replied. "I'm not good. I'm pragmatic. Only 500 gold? I'll take the better part of valour."

"Of course," 5torm said pleasantly as they turned away. Suddenly, she grabbed 5hadoe's arm. "Given what that thing looks like, and how it's made, and what the enchanted bar of greased lightning is made of, doesn't it look like something Cysero would do?"

"It wouldn't be our Cysero," 5hadoe replied. "But maybe that world's Cysero."

"You know what that means," 5torm said

"It's either completely worthless," 5hadoe responded, "or unbelievably brilliant."

"Only one way to find out," 5torm said.

  


"Hey!" 5torm yelled as Valencia zipped away. "That was only for you to try! You're suppose to share it with me!" She felt 5hadoe tapping her shoulder. "Us!"

"Remember Eyestien's lectures on Alchemy, Enhancements, and Enchantments," 5hadoe asked, "especially the description of how enchantments grant super powers like super speed?"

"They work by effectively increasing the speed of time about the owner relative to the surrounding time thus shortening the lives of those who use them," 5torm said. 5hadoe smiled. "And one lecture specifically mentioned the mythical enchanted bar of greased lightning." 5torm looked back towards where Valencia had disappeared. "You're welcome!" she yelled. She turned back to 5hadoe. "I guess now we need to deal with Escherion."

**Author's Note:**

> It's become clear to me that I'm not so much writing fan-fic here as critique-fic. With fan-fic, one tries to cover up the plot holes. With critique-fic, one tries to expose them wide in a friendly and fun way. As someone playing the game, and as a programmer and a writer, there are certain things I find annoying. Some are quick and easy fixes that the staff simply haven't dealt with and may not even recognise as existing. Others are inconsistencies with the game structure caused by changes having being made or because old-style RPGers, when given 2 choices, always choose the fourth. When I am online playing, I do try to play my two characters consistent with how I imagine them. 5torm is a little more impulsive. 5hadoe is a little more thoughtful. I'm also having a blast writing these bits of fiction. The interplay between the two is a lot of fun.
> 
> Do I know that Princess Brittany has alchemical training? Not yet. I haven't seen her at the academy ever. Do I know she has an alchemist on staff? She's a princess. Of course she does. I don't even need to know who it is to know she has one. Her personal hair-dresser is enough of an alchemist in her own right. So yes, these are assumptions but they are "safe" assumptions.


End file.
